To My Dearest Bachelor (in Science Food Technology),
I have blamed you, from time immemorial, for most of my unwarranted episodes of lost relationship with my self worth. Not only that, I have used your name in vain whenever I feel inferior juxtaposed to highly evolved organisms I go to a university that bleeds maroon with. To top it all off, I loathed you for your chem-physucks-bio requirement and their demeaning effect to my CWA.
And yet, as I checked the CRS today, from where the table at the bottom was filled up, as if on cue, Closing time shimmered across my neurotic head. I’ve found great relief. Almost there. 6 more units to go. And now that I think of it, only now have I felt this sort of affirmation that soon enough, I shall be leaving the portals of your aforementioned university, finally.
Now, with your expiration coming near, I would like to know — could you please maybe tell me at least — where does that leave me?
It’s 1:37 AM right now and I hear nothing but my love (whom I am ecstatic to very soon see in raw flesh): Hey love, where you going to? You’re not sleeping anymore, you’re just trying to.
Church duties will come beckoning soon, I know, but this sort of anxiety can make me stay up all night in the strangest of ways.
So tonight, I write to you in hope that you console myself — make myself believe that the future isn’t scary, because all the trainings and contacts I have the pleasure of possessing right now all, will soon enough take me to my rightful place in the industry.
True enough, at this point, I find no room anymore for complaints. A place for gratefulness rather — yes, at this point I am physically exhausted and mentally drained but it is because I have truly learned, that I feel incapable and it is because I know that I could do better and I can push myself to it, and that I have to sacrifice time for leisure for opportunities that may not come knocking back again. Thanks to you.
Let us not forget, you were also responsible for (1)the set of people whom I find myself most congruent with, (2)the spontaneity in cutting classes in the pursuit of utter gastronomic adventures in delight, (3)knowing myself capable of overwhelming bouts of rage over people who crossed my lines — not THE line, just my lines which I drew for myself because I’m angsty like that, (4)a string of moments including a boy, a song, and the first real flush on my cheeks among all others as a result of a sudden surge of emotions that used to be unknown in my system.
It has been a wild ride. Thank you for the nights to remember, the days to regret, and everything in between.
Yes, I may still find myself in doubt whether it is the quietude of your hands and guidance are which I will choose to hold on to — we may both not be sure if we’ll end up together forever, but rest assured that the feelings of being with you will always will.
In the mean time, I hope this sense of appreciation wakes me up in the morning as my love sings me to sleep: Well in case you never noticed the path you never chose has chosen you.
Closing the book before it burns,
Your Long-Time Bachelorette