several miles away from the sun

Graduation is so close I could almost taste it. Although, the thought of my thesis RRL sitting unfinished on my laptop, cautiously anchors me back to reality. I am not even in the process of tidying up my room which is currently a battlefield of books, journal photocopies, notebooks, samples, sleep and distress fighting it out in the final battle of college.

Yes, I am ripping my hair off FS 200. A subject I am not even enrolled this semester HAHAHA

I enrolled it last sem. I didn’t work or anything kasi namaaan I had 9 units of chem :P So I got an INC and I have 1 year to complete it.

If you are an avid reader of this blog, you might think I’m already done with this whole RRL shizzles since the start of the year. Yea, I changed my thesis topic from 199. Dehydration and me, we’re NMFEO.

Anyway. I’ve already submitted my Introduction to my adviser. Tuesday, I’m conducting consumer acceptance and preference tests — Phase I.

I’m so tired, really. You might think “Oh, but she’s just starting her Phase I.” But more than the actual thesis-ing, it’s the mental exhaustion and physical frustration that are completely driving me to the limits.

I’m tired from all the researching I have to do. I’m tired from all the formulating I have to do. From contacting raw/packaging material suppliers and beverage processing institutions, scheduling the sensorium and there’s juggling the non-acad engagements in between — I am so exhausted. But then those are given, because I suppose this is the kind of pain I actually enjoy enduring.

What I’m more concerned about is the feeling of weariness trickling down on everything else, leaving me undecided and miserable even in the littlest of things.

Should I rather pass CP Garcia or Philcoa? To lib and ditch french or to french and ditch research? To write RRL or to blog? To sleep all night and be productive tomorrow or to be half-productive tonight and still hope to be productive tomorrow? Journals or A Song of Ice and Fire? To delete or not to delete my blog? It’s a vicious cycle of feeling bad and getting tired.

But silver linings are what keeps me together and this morning, I found one in the palengke.

How do we even justify feeling lost and exhausted when there are so many others in twice as much hardship?

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