Again, she could not help but wonder if everything falls under a great scheme of things. “Am I a mere pawn in some higher being’s chess game?” as she would repeatedly ask herself. The uncertainty is often frustrating. Sure, there are signs, but more often than not, they confuse rather than confirm. “Are these sudden accidental fortuities telling me something I already know or something I refuse to hear?” It is difficult to not disintegrate every little bit of detail when practically the whole world is scrutinizing everything for her.
A part of her wishes to let go — is learning to let go. Because she knows that only when over-thinking is brought to a halt — on the affectation of actually just letting things be — only would realization truly come.
She has no idea what she’s doing, and she is unsure of how the end turns out. Yet the bigger part of her would like to believe one day, all these is going to make sense. So there she stood, welcoming mistakes over certainty — “I will rather go through this than run away again.”